Hi there, thanks again for submitting a draft for critique.
First, the concept and direction of the article is great. I think the Background portion is the strongest part in terms of hook/article draw. That being said, I saw a slight pull in two directions near the end of the article, where in the additional notes, you turn the single aberrant into a group of aberrants. I think this is a good idea and you should keep it for the entire article. What I mean is keep the focus of the article on the Chimeras, describing what they are and how to "hunt" (or rather deal with) them, but keep the Background and move the instances of Evie Walker's story there. The Encounter Records could have some other recorded encounters I think too.
My reasoning behind this type of organizing is this: scope. The article is really about the Chimeras, something we find out at the end, but Evie is the first recorded Chimera. The aberrational properties you've given her are meant to describe some information about other Chimeras as well, that they're dead people who have returned with animalistic traits. The Society DCC would get more mileage on this information about the Chimera as a whole, but the background would give us, the reader, reason to care because it's from the perspective of the Walker family.
I'll now edit the portions you've written for flow and grammar, with my suggested corrections.
Again, suggestion to move this description portion to the background, and describe the Chimeras in this section. But I will help you edit this portion in case parts of it are reused in the Background.
Evie Walker is an aberration that was previously known to be human. Specifically , she was my fellow Warder, John Walker's daughter, before she went missing that is. John didn't start drinking or something like that wasn't the type to start drinking when she did, but we all knew that it had an effect on him. Because of the implications Walker was tied to us, the Bureau decided to look into it. Eventually they found her body , they even let and let him see it before they bagged it for further examination.
Anyway, Evie Walker is about 5'7" and around 17 years old. She has long hair brown hair, amber eyes, a pale complexion, and patches of red scales spread out on her body. Evie's right arm is is completely covered in scales and her right hand has been replaced by what I can only describe as a dragon's claw. Also It also looks like someone decided to stab some metal jewelry into the dragon claw.
Also, Evie does have currently has the ability to create and manipulate fire, but she has very little knowledge on how to do so. I honestly think that it's an overstatement to say that this "fire bending calling" power of hers are a threat is an overstatement. The real Another threat is her dragon claw's talons, specifically and how sharp it is they are. I swear that it could cut through a wooden log with a single strike if she put her mind to it wanted to.
My tip for organization, explain that she went missing, died and was bagged in the Background in that order, then talk about how she was found by the narrator/author. It makes the narrative's organization much clearer.
As I mentioned earlier, Evie used to be the daughter of fellow warder John Walker. (You don't have to mention this if the description is moved here. Too much repetition of this fact.) At the time she Evie was under the impression that her father was a park ranger, which was true.his official salary was that of him being He was a park ranger In fact he only but joined the society to prove to himself that he wasn't crazy for seeing the things he did in his line of work.
But I digress. The official story behind Evie's death is was that she was going out to visit her father's ranger station when she was attacked by a bear. And According to John, who is an expert on this such attacks, was that this was the truth. The autopsy conducted by the Bureau only confirmed this as much. John told me that the body was in such a bad state when the Bureau took it that he was forced to have a closed casket ceremony.
I should probably mention that Evie was 17 at the time of the attack, when she died, and was quite outdoorsy due to her father's influence. Which is why I personally find this extremely odd, surprising (better word?) as John knew everything there was to know about bears. But bears are still wild animals, and can act unpredictably.
Now lets get into the history of the aberration that she became. I was the first one to first discover her when about 3 years ago after first she went missing. She came to the ranger station in her current state covered in cuts and bruises. It was the dead of winter (removed comma) when she arrived in what was blizzard conditions at nearly midnight. I brought her inside and got her a blanket, not recognizing her immediately. I only managed to remember her after she gave me her name. When I asked about what happened to her she told me that she was far too tired and cold. Which was completely fair, especially when you consider that she was wearing nothing more than a thin white and red dress.
I then made some calls, including one to my Bureau contact and one to John. John arrived immediately the next morning, and I decided to give them some privacy. The day after my Bureau contact told me that they were going to arrive in person to interview me, John, and Evie, and me in person at the ranger station. When my contact arrived they she (you used she to refer to the contact, so I suggest bringing it up here) brought the a (I think they'd only need one MIB in this case) Men In Black with them her. I don't know what they told John and Evie, as the MIB would only let one of us in the ranger station at once one at a time during the interviews.
When it was my turn to enter the ranger station, my contact immediately told me that the Bureau didn't do any science fiction experiments on John's daughter for any reason (things like their super soldiers project, revival experiments, mind control experiments, and etc. or the like). They handed me a folder of documents that proved Evie had died from a mundane bear attack and that her body was given back returned to John for the funeral. She then asked me a bunch of questions that I can't remember, except for one, "Did you notice any unusual flashes of light before she arrived?" I don't know why that one stuck out, but it did.
Note: This is not the result of someone stealing her body either, as she Her body was cremated and spread throughout Jasper National Park by her immediate family. Witnessed it myself. (This inclusion would make it stronger)
If you follow my suggestion of changing the article focus to Chimera aberrations, just mention that it happens in Jasper National Park. Give a state as well, or province if applicable.
She can be killed by gunfire, Evie is vulnerable as any human; her scales aren't indestructible and neither is her skin. Her right hand is has essentially 5 very sharp knives on the ends of each of her fingers, so she is only become dangerous in close range. Which This means that using a standard hunting rifle will be sufficient to kill her, providinged you can hit your shots. However, I will tell you that she has been gaining better control of her "fire bending calling" powers day by day., so I recommend not getting spotted if you encounter other elemental Chimera. by her if you are going for the kill.
It'd be cool to mention what other Chimera were spotted in Jasper.
The author can speculate here and mention they are looking into why the occurrences are happening around Jasper. Perhaps they are also looking into the mention of the embedded jewelry?
OK, I hope this helps. Besides the grammar changes, the only thing you need to change is organization. Just a recap of my suggestions:
- Description: Talk about the Chimera. What they look like, forms they can take, their abilities, and things that constitute a description about these semi-animal people.
- Background: Have this focus on Evie's story specifically, starting with her connection to her father, her disappearance, the effect on him, and then talk about what she has become. I think that smooths out a lot of the issues I had before.
- Loc and Pop: Mention where Jasper National Park is, and maybe an estimate on the number of Chimera there are.
- Hunting Methods: Since the author doesn't want anyone killing Evie, give advice on how to stop/kill Chimera based on experience with Evie's abilities. If you were going for a contigency plan in case Evie goes berserk, that works too though.
- Encounter Records: Talk about what other Chimera may have been found.
- Additional Notes: The first paragraph would be removed as it's deprecated. The second can stay, with tweaking if necessary. I like the author's inquiry into the embedded gem as well.